Diaries of a Lunatic

That night when they brought me in, i was not dead. I had something going inside me. Something that was more than the gibberish of languages, more than something that can be understandable by a common man who knows more than a language. I could see people moving around me in every random fashion. They looked scared, they were looking at me. But, my eyes were fluttering by the moving wind of their passing gush. Was the wind? But, that was not cool as it used to be in my good old days. They kept me running around that place. I was losing myself with each passing breath and my brain was still fading away with something inside it. I could see that face coming near me and i could hear its heart beat slowly fading away with me. They kept staring at me but my eyes were slowly shutting with the decreasing oxygen supply and the commotion around me increased. But, i was not aware of that as my lips were getting closer to that thing and i was slowly getting pushed into some bright aura. I knew that the bright aura represented something which i had never experienced in my life. They were running around me as if they had all gone mad and their appearances gave a bright impression of them being drunken fags. But, they were not so. That was just my big evil brain that was creating that plot. It was not exactly the silver lining cloud of doubt that was surrounding me but i was swayed down by my own thoughts which had been pushing me from a conscious to subconscious state. but, i was enjoying it. It was pain that had come with pleasure. Thing were coming to me but i was not aware of them because i was still struck into my dream of reality. They were burning just like my dead granny on that pyre on the banks of river ganges. They were still inside me because they were just my thoughts and no one else. I could identify that face which kept coming near me but i could not get to know the point of her coming back to me again and again. They had started pushing me harder but i was slowly becoming unaware of that. They stopped that thing near that place which had a red bulb on top of its door and had something green on top of it. May be i was slowly getting aware that i could read that signboard but that was my way. That was the extent of curiosity. And, they brought me in. They slowly moved me near a bed which had green as its only color. I had started breathing heavily that time and they were looking at me as if was some wonderman, as if i was some fool who was trying to climb the tower of hanoi. I could listen to them. They were saying something to me. But, i was not conscious of what they were saying to me, i was still in that dream of being left alone. Her eyes were still in front of me. They were twinkling like they always used to do. And her hairs were flowing around me . I was slowly moving into the aura with me holding her hand. She was smiling at me . She was happy and she kept taking me into that direction towards that path of light. I could find everything around me coming to a standstill. I was switching around with all the possible modes though not each of them were prominent and i was still stuck with her. Who exactly was doing that? Was that her or someone else? Was that brain again or was that its old evil trick which kept me paining down into the skin. A hand showed up and a couple of more hands followed. I was being carried out gently out of that setting and being placed into the newer setting with a green background. That greenness which had seen so many times in my dreams was actually with me that night. But, i had grip on my earlier thoughts, my own hidden thoughts. But, i was the person who was least concerned about everything. I could hear the pockets of air going in and out into my nose. It appeared that i was there for no reason as if life had no reason at all. My face had been closed into some mask kind of thing . But, i was slowly pulling myself away from this consciousness and wanted to go into that aura of happiness. That happiness which had been running away from me all the time and i had been running after it in search of my answers of my hopes, my desires, my prayers, for love. The external oxygen supply had a profound effect on my breathing because i could no longer hear that violent sound. My head was buzzing as if all the buzzwords were moving around my head in a serpentine motion. But, that was not kekule that was only me coming through the darkness of that darker day. But that was not all.That was how i was trying to create i was trying to create illusion from realities. And, that was how it was going to take place once again. I had no reflections of anyone any more near my eyes, but i could hear that voice which was getting closer to me gripping me my mind in its usual clutch. That was not ordinary, not real. That had been cooked up all over again. They had moved something near my mouth. I could hear them mumbling, saying something to me but i could not understand their language. May be, i was numb enough not to feel anything. I could gather something going inside me through my mouth. But, i was not exactly aware of what was going inside and outside me. Things were getting in perfectly haphazard ways and i was stuck in striking an imperfect balance between dreams and realities. Was that good or bad? I could never have an answer to that question in spite of all the knowledge that had been gained by me. My pain which had been taking me to great heights was not keen in sparing me at this moment of time when i needed it the most.